Grass is always greener

Oops! Three months later... where has the time gone? I can't believe it is already almost June. I wish I had some good stuff to tell you, but not so much. The semester's over; I survived my first year!

For some reason today, I'm feeling extra stressed. I'm not sure why, but every once in a while, I start second guessing myself and then I do that dreaded thing where, instead of accomplishing anything, I just sit there paralyzed and stress out about everything that needs to be done. I wouldn't recommend this approach to anyone.

Let's take stock... I made it past the dreaded 3-0, which, to be honest, wasn't too bad. Maybe I feel that way because last week I got a haircut and then someone told me I looked like a teenager. I think with the 5 inches of hair that I cut off, I chopped off about 10-12 years of my life... awesome... I guess that's why, oddly enough, I'm never too worried about being old. In general, I actually look forward to it; as soon as Mr. P turns a year older, I also turn a year older. Although turning 30 wasn't too traumatizing, as my birthday got closer and closer, I got a little more nervous, which was likely because I'm not too certain I feel 100%  happy comfortable with what I've accomplished at this point of my life. husband - check, happy marriage (coming up on 8 years!!!) - check, cute little doggie - double check, house (with mortgage to go with it) - check, PhD - check, job - check, good friends - check, loving family - check -- you're probably wondering what's not to be happy about..... looking at it now, I am too.

I made it through my first year as a tenure-track professor. I certainly don't feel like I did it with any grace or beauty; at times, I felt like I just barely had my nose above the water, but I MADE it. Of course, I still haven't gotten my evaluations back, which last time brought a few tears, but at this point, I just feel thankful to have survived. I am now transitioning back into full time research, which has brought on a whole new set of challenges. I think it is the most terrifying thing in my life and possibly the biggest contributor to the ostrich syndrome I described above. I am headed to Texas for a teaching workshop in a few weekends, which is also a bit terrifying. It will be a good experience, but we will be recorded teaching, and then we have to watch it. Who likes that? To add to my stress fun, I have agreed to work with my former advisor as an editor of a book. Awesome opportunity, yes, but it also comes packed with an obscene amount of work and added stress. I am triple crossing my fingers it pays off in the end.

The final, somewhat stressful, part of my life is in approximately five hours my mother-in-law and sister will be leaving Montana in a U Haul. My mother-in-law sold her house and is moving here to be closer to us. My sister is coming for the summer, maybe longer. They both will be staying with us. Overall, I think it's actually pretty exciting, and I feel thankful that we're in a place where coming here is an option, but I also am a little bit stressed (see work paragraph above); I just hope it doesn't turn into an animal house. And poor Char doesn't know what he's got coming. Jasper just might drive him crazy.

Long story, short... I am very grateful for my life and especially those in it. I pray for safe travels for my family as they venture out here and for the courage to pull my head out of the sand and face the challenges ahead. 


xoxo