Motherhood is HARD work

We made it! I'd like to say there was never any doubt, but sometimes, man, this is hard work and I questioned if I had it in me. Not that 2 months is some great milestone, but at least, we're taking it day-by-day and we're in the clear with fevers in the first two months. Whew!

I think finally I'm starting to feel a bit more comfortable with this new role and confident in my abilities to be a mother. It's good you can't return babies because at first I thought this is HARD! I am a TERRIBLE mother and this sweet little baby would be so much better off with someone who knew more and had more experience. I feel like I've put in my time in life and done some hard things: I have a PhD in chemistry. I've pulled all-nighters in college, graduate school and as a postdoc and have worked long hours to make sure things have gotten done. I worked in a fish cannery in Alaska one summer, where we worked 17 hrs a day 7 days a week. I've done 2 half Ironmans, 2 marathons, and countless half marathons and one helluva century bike ride (that I only made the metric century on because it was so hard), but motherhood... it does not compare. It is terribly wonderful, but it is also very HARD and hard in ways that I've never experienced. I wouldn't change anything, but mad props to all those moms out there! You are fantastic and your little one is lucky to have you!

Madeleine has been good to her momma and is generally happy and eager to look around... unless she gets over tired. We've had a few days where she hasn't slept from noon to midnight. We're trying to prevent that from happening again. She's started to engage a lot more, and her smiles just melt my heart. Love doesn't seem like it's a big enough word to describe what I feel about this little person.   

M started a new job right before Madeleine was born, and he's working 4x10 hrs. That means he's gone from the house for about 12 hrs Tues.-Fri. I do all the middle of the night feedings and getting up with the baby, and sometimes he'll rock her to sleep at night or hold her before we put her to sleep for the night. In the middle of Oct., his schedule is changing so that he'll work 5 days a week and get some more time with her. We're all looking forward to that! He'll also be able to join the gym again, which I think will be so good for him.

School started yesterday, and a bit of me felt sad that I'm not going back to work this semester. I am fortunate to love my job and I also like the structure and routine of the semester. I am also fortunate that I get the semester off to spend with this sweet person, which is a blessing. So after being bummed that I didn't start the semester with my colleagues yesterday, I told myself that I needed to shape up and enjoy the next four months with Madeleine because I'll probably need a Xanax when I drop her off at daycare in Jan. 

When are you going back to work? Is there ever an easy time?

Love,
L